The losses that accompany life seem able to make or break us. Grief is so ever present as we navigate the large and small losses from tragic sudden deaths to the closing of a favorite Indian restaurant that made the really great tandori chicken. Large or small loss, there’s a phase in grief work where the anger invariably rises and I am SOOOO there today. Now this isn’t about the loss of Tandor Kitchen (though I am plenty sad about that) and it’s not the death of my bestest friend, which lingers every single day, but one of those important losses that falls somewhere between the two. As if there’s a hierarchy of grief to discuss.
But back to today, I’ve got to say, I’m holding a near giddy anger. Sort of a time of reveling in thoughts and words of outrage, injustice, pissed offedness and even a toying of revenge fantasies. Bwahaha!
Which is especially strange and wondrous as I have long been a person who is pretty uncomfortable with BIG FEELINGS. But the ANGER is out, and just writing that adds to the still barely perceptible sense that a shift is possible. That holding the anger isn’t permanent and that the spirals of grief are, too, constantly moving towards a new healing.
Advent isn’t a season associated with grief and loss and anger and denial and bargaining, but for me, it might be the perfect season to claim the whole range of transformative emotions so that the new growth that follows the losses can emerge.