If I were to write a holiday letter, it would be painted blue this year. The mood of this week, as mercury goes retrograde is tinged with sadness and frustration. Work has been good, but slow for me…I do love what I do but am ever anxious about the bills, and the next thing that needs to be done to secure the next paying opportunity. It keeps me from being present to many things…so Blue it is.
If I were to write a holiday letter this year, it would include big gratitude nonetheless. For my beloved, who keeps me laughing, almost non-stop. We worked hard this year, as a team, and have had our hearts broken, but still we plan and sing and I know I am so very very blessed by this relationship. The gift of love in my life is the best thing…And my gratitude flows to the circle of family and friends, who make Thanksgiving a day that lingers all year, give or take the drama of the ping pong tournament. Visits to the farmer’s market, Mad Men marathons and watching the World Cup punctuated the laughter with gasps of delight and shrieks of joy. Oh, and the local San Francisco Giants won the World Series with bearded glory while we cheered from across the bay.
If I were to write a holiday letter this year, it would include more art. Creative days weaving, cooking, rubber stamping cards. Painting walls and decorating. The whole ongoing nesting thing has brought brightness to my days. There was adventure in writing, through Lent, September, and now, Advent. Planning for new business ventures, but not enough to feel confident in the ability to turn the sort of profit that will allow me to get the car and iPad and new bathroom I long for like a somewhat spoiled brat longs for candy. I might pass over mentioning the intense physical healing work that earned me the chiropractor’s “spine of the month” recognition and the sense of miracle on a day when I noticed I wasn’t limping. I’d neglect to mention that because bratty girls like me start to take miracles for granted. Like garden grown summer tomatoes abundant in the first year garden golden, red and sweet. I notice a few still cling to the south facing vines here in December.
If I were to write a holiday letter, I’d forget to mention all sorts of high points like the tree that sparkles across the room from me now, and the trip around Lake Tahoe before the thunder storm blew through. The adventure driving across the mountain passes with snow falling on the way to baked goods and the way home, too. The 50th Birthday party of a dear friend, or the hula dancers…the “light bulb” moments with beautiful students coming to own their power and the coworkers who inspire such greatness. I’d probably forget to mention applying to and beginning a doctoral program. Having out-of-towners visiting for an afternoon, or a few days, reminding me of how quickly time flows and flies even as miles temporarily shrink.
If I were to write a holiday letter, I might not mention the Intuitive Painting workshop I attended or the warm summer day when the workshop I led on ritual moved out doors because it was just too darn hot inside. Don’t want to make a big deal of the mention in the New York Times, or the sweet couples I met on their wedding days and the Apples to Apples games that brought forth arrogance and underwear in most unexpected ways. Even though it was thanks to the generous contributions of amazing friends, I’d probably not bother to include in my nonexistent holiday letter that three chapters of the book I co-wrote were submitted to the publisher this year, because it’s still up in the air as to if the editor will take it to press. Advent waiting has been interesting this year.
As I contemplate the choice to not write a holiday letter, it is sunny and warm outside on the third Sunday of Advent. The bottle brush tree that entertains so many humming birds year round, was pruned with vigorous abandon earlier in the fall and now blooms hot red pink. Bright blue skies frame the view from my window. Maybe there were miracles in 2010. Maybe there were moments of grace. Maybe there is something to celebrate this holiday season. Why yes, I believe that merits a mention.